You are likely suffering from Money Dysmorphia

-What is Money Dysmorphia?

Money dysmorphia is a distorted view we have of our financial reality that causes us to make poor decisions about the use of our non-renewable resources, both collectively and individually. For example, collectively, we sacrifice our non-renewable natural resources, like the rainforest, in service to money. Individually, we sacrifice our time, energy, attention, health and relationships, all of which are non-renewable, in service to money.

Money is actually infinitely renewable when we know how to access it and use it wisely. Unfortunately, due to inherited conditioning and trauma, such as holocaust, slavery and other “power and control” type dominant practices historically, most of us have not learned how to access and use money wisely. As a result, we compromise ourselves in service to money, either consciously or unconsciously.

For example, one way we may be compromising ourselves in service to money is to work in jobs that are not aligned with our values because we think we need to, for the money. Sometimes, this values mis-alignment can be extremely subtle, just a nagging feeling that something isn’t right. Other times, the mis-alignment can be highly noticeable, such as knowing you are in a job that actually causes harm, and yet doing it anyway because you believe you need to, for the money.

Another way we may be compromising ourselves, due to money dysmorphia, could show up as not making key hiring decisions that would free up time, even though we’re extremely maxed out in our business and capped on our earning potential due to not having enough support. Money dysmorphia could cause us to be unable to see the way forward to our own next level of growth in our business.

Finally, another symptom, which is far more subtle, but can have the longest term impact, would be believing you are too poor (or not rich enough) to plan for what happens to your assets in the event of your incapacity or death. Approximately 67% of adults do not have an estate plan, and of those that do, most have made at least one of 6 common mistakes that will likely leave their family stuck in court and/or conflict, both of which are extremely expensive for many generations into the future.

- Who is it affecting the worst?

Every generation is affected by Money Dysmorphia, but in different ways, as it’s an inherited pattern and therefore reflective of the experience of your ancestors. What we know from books like “It Didn’t Start With You” by Mark Wolynn, and “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van der Kolk M.D., trauma is passed on until it’s healed, through the body itself. So, while we all likely experience some version of Money Dysmorphia, depending on the amount of healing work already done by our ancestors or vice versa, the amount of trauma in our family system, the youngest generations may have the most impact of what needs to be seen and healed.

The reality is that we are truly the first generation of humans who have the resources - the time, energy, attention, money as well as the consciousness -- to even consider seeing or healing Money Dysmorphia. Our ancestors were mostly in survival mode because that’s what was necessary to get us to this point. They had to lie, cheat, thieve, steal, and hide to survive. If we look back into our ancestral history, we can see that, no matter from whence we came.

What we can also see with our conscious awareness from this moment in history is that we do not need to do that. If you have the luxury to be reading or hearing these words, it’s clear that you are no longer in the same survival reality of your ancestors. And, given that, it’s now your responsibility to do the work of seeing and healing the Money Dysmorphia so you do not pass on the same survival-based scarcity patterns of your ancestors. This is what it means to “Do the Work” of healing, and it’s ours to do.

I’ve found one of the best ways to Do the Work, at least in the initial years of healing work, is to use money as the catalyst for that work because security, which we collectively have decided occurs through money, is at the very base level of Mazlow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Therefore, doing the work on money will then give you access to the higher levels of “belonging” and “self-actualization” and the support necessary to do the work on those pieces of your needs.

- What are the symptoms?

There are four symptoms of Money Dysmorphia to look out for. Most people express one or more:  

Rock bottom: Money Dysmorphia can feel like recurring financial rock bottom. You may feel stuck without a plan, like life is happening to you instead of for you. But many people don’t realize that rock bottom is an opportunity, not a trap. It can be a time to reflect, grow, evolve, and most importantly, learn to self-trust. It’s an opportunity to face your financial mistakes head-on and address all that you’ve been most afraid of, which can be a powerful tool going forward. JK Rowling said it best: “Rock Bottom was the solid foundation on which I built my life.”

Just getting by: Another symptom is the feeling that money isn’t the main motivator of your life, and yet it always lingers in the background of your thoughts. Your financial habits include spending everything you have, pinching pennies, clipping coupons, and dedicating a large amount of your time and energy into things that might have a higher return on investment. You chase the feeling of having “enough” –whatever that may be–but you feel like you never do. It may be difficult to recognize or ask for your wants and needs, as you may not even know yourself. This can lead to rock bottom, where you lack the empowerment to recognize opportunities and speak up for what you need.

More, more, more: You actually have plenty, but feel as though there will never be enough. Every decision you make is governed by money, and you're honest about it - but, in reality, you are not truly fulfilled. You find yourself compromising relationships in service to money and may sometimes inadvertently take advantage of people or sell more than you can deliver. Because of the constant drive for more, you are never able to truly relax.

Misalignment: Your relationship with money has left your life feeling generally misaligned– financially, personally, mentally. You have far more than what you need, and you fear that you may be financially taken advantage of as a result. Your relationships with others feel uneven, and if you fail to make changes, you feel you may dig yourself into a financial hole. You are unsure of how to approach these conversations or how to realign these relationships.

- How can we best understand it and, from there, overcome it? 

 The first step in overcoming Money Dysmorphia is being truthful with yourself about which symptoms may be present in your life  – which can be accomplished by taking my Money Dysmorphia Blindspot quiz here. 

Once you’ve identified your blindspots, you can come up with a plan to address it. Remember that this is an opportunity to grow and learn from your mistakes. No matter how far you may be from your financial and personal goals, you can always come back– trust me, I’ve been there. 

Read about my own personal experience with Money Dysmorphia and how I overcame it here.

- Ali